Reader Questions #6: I Can’t Embody My Fulfilled Self During Christmas and Birthdays

Hello. This is Iruru.

Today, I want to share a question from our consultation form that I think will resonate with many of you.

(I’ve adjusted the details to protect the reader’s privacy)

M

I want to spend my birthday and Christmas with him, but he’s not here.
I’m trying to embody the version of myself who has already manifested this relationship, but I keep catching myself thinking, “I wish I could be with him.” If I were truly living as someone who’s already manifested this, I’d be celebrating with him right now. Instead, I keep slipping back into the mindset of someone who hasn’t manifested it yet.

I want to spend Christmas and birthdays with him!

Usually, I can stay centered and embody who I want to be, but during the holidays when the city fills with couples and romantic events are everywhere, I can’t help thinking, “I wish he were here with me,” or “He’s not here right now.”

I completely understand how you feel!

Since he’s not physically present in my current reality, I struggle to become the version of myself who “should be spending time with him” because I’ve already manifested this.

Christmas especially feels like a couples’ holiday, and we’re bombarded with ads, restaurant promotions, hotel packages, and twinkling lights—all designed to create romantic magic. It’s totally natural that you’d find yourself comparing your situation to all those happy couples around you.

But here’s what I want you to remember about embodying your fulfilled self: it’s perfectly okay to feel a little sadness (that’s just your ego talking), but then gently guide yourself back to that loving, connected version of yourself with him. That’s really all you need to do.

One thing to watch out for is making “him” the center of everything in your daily life—constantly thinking “If he were here, we’d do this” or “If he were with me, we’d do that together.”

Is “him” everywhere in your life?

It’s beautiful when you see something fun or notice something he’d love, and you naturally think, “I want to share this with him!” or “I can’t wait to tell him about this!”

But when I reflect on my own past—both when we were together and after we’d broken up—I realize my entire world revolved around him.

I thought I was just deeply in love, but because I was constantly focused on him, I was actually neglecting myself more and more. Looking back now, it’s honestly painful to remember.

The truth is, I should be able to find happiness whether he’s with me or not. When two genuinely happy people come together in love, that’s when the real magic happens. So even if your thoughts drift to him often, focus on making yourself happy first.

I want you to discover all the little things that bring you joy. When you do this, even after you’re reunited, you’ll be able to love freely without becoming emotionally dependent on him.

Check out this video where we dive deeper into this topic!

What if Christmas still feels lonely?

“But I still feel lonely at Christmas!” If that’s you, I personally love spending time on cozy Christmas preparations at home.

For instance, I’m not particularly religious, but I adore the Christmas atmosphere. Every year I look forward to baking stollen, making orange pomanders, building gingerbread houses, sipping cinnamon-spiced tea, and enjoying all sorts of festive traditions.

Honestly, partners often don’t share these interests anyway, so it really doesn’t matter whether you have a boyfriend or not.

I especially love creating orange pomanders because it’s almost meditative—it allows me to be completely present and mindful in the moment.

Once they’re finished and dried, they work as natural air fresheners and insect repellent too, so if you’re curious, definitely give it a try.

Instead of making a gingerbread house from scratch, I recommend using a store-bought kit with pre-baked pieces—it’s so much easier and turns out gorgeous! The scent of cinnamon and ginger will instantly put you in that holiday mood!

I absolutely swear by Harney & Sons’ Hot Cinnamon Spice tea! Ever since Meguru introduced me to it, it’s become my holiday essential! It warms you from the inside out and the aroma is incredibly comforting!