If I let him go, it’s over… I have to get him back no matter what!

Hello, this is Iruru.

If you’re trying to get back together with an ex or struggling in your current relationship, do you ever catch yourself thinking “If I let him slip away, I’ll never find anyone this good again!”?

I used to feel this way constantly whenever I’d meet someone amazing, fall head over heels, and then watch things fall apart. I’d be like,

“I have to hold onto this person no matter what!” Let me share some thoughts about this mindset today.

What’s really driving this “I can’t let him go” feeling?

Of course you fell for him because he’s incredible, and I totally get why you’d want him back. You love him, plain and simple.

But what’s actually behind that desperate “I can’t let this guy get away!” feeling?

“I’ll probably never find anyone better.”
“If we break up now, I might never get married.”
If anxiety or fear about never finding another boyfriend is driving these thoughts, I need you to pause for a moment.

Because here’s the thing: there’s absolutely no reason you can’t find someone even better.
Your subconscious mind creates what you believe. Whatever you think will happen, happens.

Believe you’ll find someone amazing, and you will.

Instead of spiraling into fear, just ask yourself this simple question: Do you actually want to get back together with him?

You deserve to be cherished by someone incredible

Whether you reconcile or not, I need you to understand something fundamental: you are absolutely worthy of being loved.

Whether it’s this guy you want back or someone even more amazing you’ll meet later, you deserve to be adored. You’re capable of having a beautiful, loving relationship.

Please recognize that you are someone who deserves to be treasured.

And no matter what happens, always see yourself as his equal. Don’t panic and put yourself beneath him.

The moment I thought “I can’t let this guy go,” I started devaluing myself

Back when I’d get that panicked “I can’t let this guy go!” feeling, I’d immediately place my worth way below his.

I’d frantically think, “I have to get back together and make this work somehow!” So I’d twist myself into knots trying to match his schedule, pretending to like things I didn’t actually care about…

Everything became about him, him, him! I was so laser-focused on keeping him that even when we did get back together, I felt just as miserable.

Eventually things fell apart anyway, but looking back now, I realize I wasn’t thinking

“I love him” so much as “If we break up, I might never find anyone else” or “He checked all the right boxes…”

I was basically obsessing over his resume and desperately trying to keep him around for all the wrong reasons.

If someone with even better “qualifications” came along, would you still want this guy?

I get this question a lot in my consultations.

“If I let him go, I might never get married.

 

But there’s this one thing about him I just can’t stand! I keep hoping he’ll change somehow…”

When you’re feeling this torn, before you worry about whether he’ll change, ask yourself something else first.

What if you could meet someone absolutely incredible who would worship the ground you walk on and give you the happiest relationship ever—would you still choose this guy?

Even if someone more amazing than him showed up tomorrow, would you still want him?

People wanting to get back together often say things like “It’s him or no one!” and refuse to even consider anyone else.

 

That’s totally fine, but what if I could guarantee someone even more wonderful would come into your life…?

If even a tiny part of you thinks, “Well, if I could have a boyfriend like that instead, I’d probably be happier!” then maybe getting back together isn’t what you really need.

“No one could possibly be more wonderful than him” usually comes from fear and insecurity talking, not your heart. Ignore that voice and focus on creating a relationship that genuinely makes you happy.