“How many dates should we go on before becoming official?”

If you’ve ever asked yourself this question, you’re not alone.

Should I say yes on the first date, or will he think I’m easy? Is three dates the magic number to figure out if someone is serious? What if I rush things and it falls apart?

Relationship advice is everywhere, and there’s no shortage of “rules” to follow. But the more rules you follow, the more confused you feel — and somehow, things still don’t work out. Sound familiar?

In this article, we’ll look at the popular “date 3 times before committing” rule through the lens of Homérenn’s subconscious mind philosophy.

Where the “3-Date Rule” Comes From

Iruru, one half of the Homérenn duo, used to run a relationship psychology website. One of the most common questions she received was: “How many dates should I go on before agreeing to a relationship?”

Her answer at the time was: “Three dates is a good guideline.”

The reasoning:

• Date 1: Both people are nervous and guarded
• Date 2: Starting to relax and open up
• Date 3: Your true personalities begin to show — now you can judge whether this person is right for you

For people who met through dating apps especially, she advised not to rush things after a single meeting. Taking time to see whether someone is genuinely interested — rather than just looking for something casual — made sense as a form of self-protection.

The logic is sound. So why doesn’t it always work?

When 3 Dates Still Leads to Nowhere

Iruru shared something personal that really struck a chord.

“I had so many experiences where the first date felt amazing — we laughed, talked for hours, everything clicked — and then the texts just stopped. He said he’d message me. He didn’t. I kept wondering: what was that night even about?”

This kept happening. And over time, she formed a deep belief: first dates never lead anywhere good.

She started following the 3-date rule more carefully. But here’s what she noticed: some of those carefully paced three-date courtships still fizzled into nothing. And some of the times she clicked instantly on a first date and things moved quickly — those actually worked out.

The difference wasn’t the number of dates.

Through the Lens of the Subconscious Mind

At Homérenn, we say: *”Because you think it, it becomes.”

*Note: This is the core principle of subconscious mind manifestation — the belief that what you truly hold in your heart (your “intention”) becomes your reality.

Applied to love: *”Because I think I’m happily in love with him, I become happily in love with him.”

This means the number of dates you’ve been on is irrelevant. What matters is whether you’ve decided — deep down — that you and him are in a loving relationship.

If you hold the belief “things only work out after three dates,” then you’re simultaneously holding the belief “things can’t work out before three dates.” No matter how many dates you go on, that underlying belief stays in place.

On the other hand, if you’ve decided “we’re in a loving relationship” — one date or ten, it doesn’t matter. The “intention” is already set.

What’s Really Happening When You Search for Rules

“How many dates until I know he’s serious?”
“If he doesn’t text back, is that a bad sign?”
“When is the right time to bring up exclusivity?”

The more you search, the more lost you feel. And that’s not because there’s too much information. It’s because no amount of external rules can change the belief you hold on the inside.

If your underlying belief is “things never work out for me,” the rules won’t fix that. The reality will keep reflecting that belief back to you.

But when you decide — really decide — “I’m in a loving relationship with him,” reality begins to reflect that instead.

Only You Can Set Your Intention

As Meguru puts it: “How many dates before committing? Whenever you want to be with this person. It changes depending on the relationship. That’s the answer.”

There’s no rule that decides this for you.

The moment you decide “I’m happily in love with him,” you’re already living in that world. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been on one date or three. It doesn’t matter what’s happening in the current reality.

Only you can set your intention. And when you do, that’s how it becomes.

You’re already there ♡

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