Dating Advice Assumes You’re Unloved. The Subconscious Assumes You Already Are

Today, let’s dive into love psychology and the art of manifesting your desires through the subconscious mind.

Both start with the same desire: “I want to make this relationship work with someone I care about.” But here’s where things get interesting—there’s actually a huge difference between the two approaches. And that’s exactly what we’re exploring today.

This question popped into my head recently, but when I started digging into it, I discovered something surprisingly profound. So I’m laying it all out for you below. Fair warning—there’s quite a bit to unpack here! But I really think you’ll find it worth your time. 😄

Dating techniques are heavily shaped by personal beliefs and the spirit of the times.

You’ve probably come across both dating techniques and love psychology in your research.

Articles like these are everywhere. I stumble across them myself from time to time, and I’ll admit I find them pretty interesting to read. Before we shifted our focus to the subconscious mind approach, Iruru was sending out newsletters on dating techniques for quite a while.

So I’ve had the chance to look back at some of those older pieces. The other day, Iruru and I were having this conversation about dating techniques and the psychology behind them. She’s got tons of firsthand experience writing about this stuff, so her perspective is invaluable.

We talked through a bunch of different angles, and we noticed that dating technique articles tend to share some pretty consistent characteristics:

Take this example:

This is easy to understand, but here’s the thing—the writer’s answer is probably heavily influenced by their own beliefs about what *should* happen. Whether they think “of course he should treat” or “we should split it” shapes how they present the advice. Their personal viewpoint really colors the entire piece.

But I get it—it feels natural when you see it that way.

Whether someone treats you to dinner or you split the bill—there’s definitely some psychology at play. But even if you understand the psychology, it still boils down to someone’s upbringing, their current situation, and so much more. When you take all that into account, it’s clear that the writer’s own beliefs and values shape whether they lean toward “you should be treated” or “you should go Dutch.”

Then there’s the whole zeitgeist thing—the spirit of the times. Go back to Japan’s bubble era, and people probably expected to be treated way more often. What was considered normal back then became the common sense of that era, so yeah, the times definitely influence what gets written.

When I thought about this more deeply, something clicked for me. Articles about dating psychology and relationship tactics tend to be written from the perspective of someone who’s struggling—someone who’s *desperately* looking for answers to their relationship problems.

That’s really the foundation, isn’t it?

Dating techniques are built on the assumption that “right now, you’re not loved.”

It’s a simple breakdown of the difference between a dating-techniques mindset and a subconscious-mind mindset.

When people talk about dating techniques, they’re usually discussing ways to make him like you—sometimes even how to influence his behavior. It’s all strategic: “If I do this, he’ll respond that way!” or “I need to change myself right now.”

At its core, it’s about changing *yourself* through sheer effort because you believe you’re not being loved in your current state.

The subconscious mind, though? It operates on a beautifully simple principle. It’s all about “you become what you think.” So here’s what you do: imagine yourself already in a loving, thriving relationship. That’s it. By thinking you’re already loved, you’re essentially *already* in that state.

When you look at the balance between self-effort and trusting in outside forces, that “not being loved” assumption becomes crystal clear!

Here’s another way to look at it:

I realized I could organize this even further, and I did! Here’s the diagram:

The higher you go on the vertical axis, the more you’re leaning into the subconscious mind. The lower you go, the more you’re relying on dating techniques. On the horizontal axis, the left side represents “not being loved,” and the right side represents “being loved.”

When you actually visualize it this way, the relationship between the subconscious mind and dating techniques—and the balance between what you do yourself versus what you trust to work itself out—becomes really clear!

People who want to use dating techniques are as I mentioned earlier, operating from the belief that they’re not being loved in the first place.

That’s why they’re trying to capture his heart—because they don’t feel like things are going well right now.
(Of course, this doesn’t apply if you’re just reading for fun—no judgment!)

This fits into the “not yet achieved” category at the bottom-left.

Now, with the subconscious mind approach? It’s all about “think it, and it becomes.” When applied to love, that’s “I think I’m loved by him, and so I become loved by him.”

That’s why I keep emphasizing the importance of setting the feeling of being “deeply in love with him,” which might sound repetitive, but it really does matter.

The beauty of this approach is that it doesn’t rely on external factors—it assumes you’re *already* in a state of being loved. Pretty clear difference, right? 😊

If all you want is to get back together, you might actually be able to do it on your own!

Let me expand on this diagram a bit more!

Meguru often reminds me that you don’t have to rely on the subconscious mind—you can try to make things happen through your own efforts.

I get where she’s coming from. Sometimes simplifying things and staying relaxed about them can actually work in your favor.

 

If you feel like “getting back together” is something straightforward that you can work toward, that’s totally valid. Keeping a positive, open mindset when going after what you want is important—too much stress and pressure can actually work against you.

Well, if you’re just looking to get back together, then I believe you can move straight from the “not being loved” assumption on the bottom-left to the “being loved” state on the bottom-right using dating techniques or whatever works for you.

 

So in that sense, I’m not dismissing dating techniques or love psychology at all.
If that’s just what you’re looking for—reconciliation.

Sometimes relying on outside forces doesn’t work either!

And here’s something else to consider.

You’ve done everything you can on your own, but it’s not working. You’ve hit your limit.

Even when you try to rely on outside forces and tell yourself “I’m going to trust the subconscious,” if you’re still coming from a place of “I’m not being loved” or “I haven’t achieved this yet,” you’re actually falling into the trap of “pretending” in the upper-left corner. It’s just wishful thinking dressed up as manifestation.

When I look at people’s situations, this is actually really common.

It’s just a tiny shift in perspective, but it makes all the difference.

Here’s what I realized: if your foundation is “I’m not being loved,” then doing things on your own puts you in “I haven’t achieved this yet” (bottom-left), and trying to rely on outside forces puts you in “I’m pretending” (top-left).

That’s why Meguru is always reminding me—in videos and everywhere else—to stay in that upper-right corner. She’s basically saying: keep thinking of yourself as already thriving. Just hold that one thought.

Aren’t you actually going out of your way to slip back into that “pretending” state in the upper-left, even though you’ve already set your mind in the upper-right corner?

Doesn’t that seem backwards?

No, I thought it. So it became.

And then it happened. No matter what anyone said.
That’s all that mattered.
Why would you second-guess it?
So don’t move from that place, right?

Stay right there in the upper-right corner where your belief is set! That’s what I’m always saying.

And here’s the good news: if you do slip into “pretending” mode in the upper-left corner, you’ve got powerful allies in visualization and meditation to help you shift.

Meditation and visualization are natural tools for those who are good at them. While you’re imagining all the beautiful details of being happily together with him, it becomes easy to move from “pretending” in the upper-left to “believing” in the upper-right. You transition from “I’m faking it” to “I believe it” almost without realizing it.

(*Of course, some people might use visualization to *strengthen* their belief even when they’re already in the upper-right corner. There are always exceptions, and I’m just talking about what’s common.)

Building a truly loving, healthy partnership with him for the long haul

So, you might be thinking dating techniques aren’t all bad—and you’re kind of right. But honestly, there are some pretty serious downsides to them.

Plus, with dating techniques, you might get conflicting advice like “adapt to him and make him like you” while also being told to “be an independent woman.”

That’s confusing! And it happens because, like I mentioned, the person giving the advice is influenced by their own background and experiences—and those perspectives change over time.

I mean, it’s pretty obvious that the values around “you should adapt to men and make them like you” are shifting in today’s world, right? So advice that was common five years ago might not hold true now.

But the subconscious mind? It doesn’t have that problem.

Whether it’s mutual love, respecting each other as you grow old together, or feeling deeply cherished—whatever it is for you, it doesn’t matter.

I think this approach is less affected by the times, so to speak. It’s more timeless.

And here’s the best part: you just think it. That’s it. Done.

Plus, because the universe handles the rest, you get to live your normal life without stress and worry. Doesn’t that sound like the best deal? 😉

To give you a bit more context, I believe the desire to use dating techniques often comes from a desire to control the other person.

When you feel unloved and unfulfilled in your current situation, it’s natural to wonder if there’s a way to make him feel or act the way you want.

Sure, you might be able to get back together using those tactics. But here’s what I wonder—can you truly build something meaningful and healthy if you’re focused on controlling him?

I don’t think so. I believe what you’re really after is a relationship where you’re both deeply in love, you respect each other, and you’re *already* in that beautiful state of being cherished. That’s the relationship worth building. And from a long-term perspective, that kind of partnership is so much more rewarding, which is why the subconscious mind approach is absolutely worth your investment. 😉

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