Reader Questions #18: Dating Someone But Want My Ex Back?

Hey there, it’s Iruru.

So many of you reading this want to get back with an ex. Maybe you were trying to reunite, then met someone new. Or you’re dating someone but can’t stop thinking about what might have been. We get tons of questions about this.
Have you ever felt pretty happy with your current partner, but then bumped into your ex and suddenly thought, “Wait… maybe I really do love them after all?”
When this happens, how do we work with our subconscious beliefs?

A (excerpt)

I wanted my ex back, but I found a new boyfriend and we’ve been having so much fun together. But the other day I texted with my ex and thought, “This person really gets me.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that this meant something.

I want to appreciate the guy I’m with now, but when I compare them… maybe my ex actually is better? I feel like I have to pick one.

Is it wrong to keep dating my current boyfriend while I figure out what’s happening with my ex?

Your ex really is wonderful!

Even when you’re with someone amazing now, your ex is someone you loved deeply.

Whatever caused the breakup, you might still think, “They really are incredible!” There are moments when you remember exactly why you fell for them.

When your ex makes you feel understood, that’s genuinely wonderful. From a subconscious perspective, if you want to leave your current relationship and reunite with your ex, you can decide that’s already working out perfectly. You could even choose to explore connections with both people—there’s no universal law against it.

But reading your question, it sounds like you haven’t actually decided what you want yet. You haven’t given yourself a clear answer about who you truly want to be with.

Can’t decide between your current guy and your ex?

Your subconscious creates what you believe will happen.
You believe you’re in love with someone, so you are.

Simply decide what you want to manifest.
Then embody the version of yourself who makes it happen.

But here’s the thing:

Unless you’re crystal clear about what you actually want and who you truly love, you won’t be able to make a confident choice about who to be with.

Look inside yourself to see how you want to be

Your current boyfriend or your ex… they’re both great, but you can’t decide who you like more.

Honestly? I think it’s totally okay to have a “period of uncertainty” or “time of not knowing.”

When you truly can’t decide, you can’t force it even if you want to. This usually means you need more time. The only way forward is to let it be until you can confidently say, “This is what I want.”

And until that becomes clear, I think it’s helpful to stop focusing on who the “person” is and ask yourself: “How do I want to feel?” Focus on that instead.

For example:

Even if you’re not sure who the “person” is, you can decide how you want to feel when you’re truly fulfilled. Once you’re clear on that feeling, you can trust the universe to handle the details.

Only you know your own heart

I went through a phase where I lied to myself so much that I completely lost touch with what I wanted. I totally get the confusion of not knowing your own desires.

When I didn’t know what I wanted, I’d just let things be, and eventually thoughts like “Maybe this is what I want” would surface. During my most confused times, I started journaling my thoughts.

Only you know what you truly want. I can’t answer that for you through our contact form—you have to ask yourself.

And even if you don’t know right now, I believe that as you turn inward and face yourself honestly, the answer will naturally emerge. Try to enjoy each day and be gentle with yourself instead of worrying too much about it.