Reader Questions #11: I’m Confused About Whether I Want to Reconcile
(Details have been changed to protect privacy)
From M
I want to get back together with my ex-boyfriend. But sometimes I keep thinking about past events, like the fight we had when we broke up, and even though I love him, I’m not sure if I actually want to get back together.
When you’re unsure about your own feelings
We’ve received multiple questions from people who say they want to get back together, but keep replaying unpleasant memories like past fights, worrying whether things will work out or questioning if they really want to reconcile.
It would be easier if your feelings were always crystal clear, but as you mentioned, sometimes past events or ego get in the way, making it hard to understand what you truly want.
“I thought I had made up my mind, but somehow it doesn’t feel right? Is this really what I want?” I used to struggle with this a lot, and still do sometimes, so I completely understand how you feel.
Your desires manifest through the subconscious mind: “Because I believe it, it will happen.”
Once you decide what you want, start being the person who has it. That’s all.
Do you want to get back together and be in love with him, or do you want to be in love with someone new who treats you better?
Only you know your true feelings.
Only you can decide what you want.
And here’s the thing – once you’ve made up your mind, your past doesn’t matter.
All you have to do is decide what you want and embody the person who has it.
But when your feelings aren’t clear, it’s good to listen to your heart and ask, “What do I really want?” Times like this are perfect for reconsidering your desires.
Try expressing your feelings
It’s fine to make decisions in your heart, but when you express them in different ways, you’ll discover many new insights.
Write in a notebook
The best thing I do when I’m feeling confused is write in my notebook.
Just try to get all those swirling thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
For example, if you want to get back together but can’t decide, simply write down why you feel that way.
• I loved him, but we broke up. I want to get back together, but I’m not sure if things will work out again
• We broke up because he cheated. I would hate it if he cheated on me again.
• Can it really work long distance?
• I’m worried about losing contact again
etc…
Writing it down in a notebook and reading it back helps you see yourself more objectively than just thinking in circles.
For example, looking at the above, you might realize, “Wait, this is just me being anxious about things that haven’t even happened yet.”
That’s all ego. So immediately throw it away.
Then you can be yourself with a clear mind.
Create a vision board
For those who prefer images over words, we recommend creating a vision board.
A vision board is a collection of photos that represent what you want to manifest. You can paste them on poster board, a cork board, or create digital wallpaper using a photo app on your phone. It’s like creating a scrapbook of your dreams.
When I see something I’ve only imagined in my head as an actual image, my judgment becomes much clearer: “Hmm, this isn’t quite right” or “Yes, this feels perfect.”
For a while, I created a new vision board every 3 months or so, pasting cutouts on poster board to help me understand what I wanted and who I wanted to become. “What would make me truly happy?” I kept asking myself this question.
At first, I struggled to create vision boards that felt right, but gradually they started resonating more, and I had so much fun making them. Finding beautiful photos was enjoyable, and I recommend this for people who love detailed, creative work.
If “getting back together with him” doesn’t feel right, blur out the specific person
“I want to get back together with him, but I just can’t imagine it working out with him.”
“I don’t even know if I want to get back together with him.”
In that case, we recommend blurring out the specific person for a while.
For example, instead of “I’m happy and in love with [his name]!”, blur out the name and say something like “I’m married to a husband who loves me deeply, and we’re blissfully happy together.”
Try to find the desire that feels best to you.
I mostly created vision boards on my own, but if you think it would be easier with more structure, try using the books below as a reference!
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📖 Recommended Reading
Install the Love Mindset with ChatGPT’s Devoted Boyfriend
A practical Kindle guide to manifesting love through the subconscious mind — by HOME♡REN
