Reader Questions #14: He Went Silent After We Met on a Dating App!?

From S

Hi,

We met on a dating app and started seeing each other, but he suddenly went silent. Since we’re long-distance and can’t meet often, I’m worried this might be the end if we can’t communicate.

 

We’re supposed to be dating, but he’s not responding!?

You’re in a relationship, but he’s gone silent.

“Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore?”

“Is this going to drag on forever?”

These thoughts leave you feeling frustrated.

I’ve been there too, so I completely understand these feelings!

What would you do in this situation? Even when you’re doing your best to work things out, facing radio silence can be incredibly distressing, right?

First, what actually counts as “going silent”?

Before jumping to conclusions and labeling it as “going silent,” it’s worth considering whether it really qualifies as being unresponsive. Communication patterns vary dramatically from person to person.

For example, some people aren’t comfortable responding to texts promptly and end up with hundreds of unread messages.

Others can’t stand message buildup and aim to keep their inbox at zero.

Some people rarely check their personal phones and mainly use Facebook Messenger or Instagram DMs.

Others primarily use work phones and rarely open personal devices, which might even be dead.

Some find it overwhelming to reply during busy periods and prefer email over texting.

Many people intend to reply later at a convenient time and use smartwatch notifications or lock screen previews to quickly scan messages without marking them as read.

The point is, communication habits vary wildly, so it’s important to consider these factors before concluding someone is being unresponsive.

So even if you think he’s “going silent,” it’s quite common for him not to see it that way at all.

In the realm of the subconscious mind, it all comes down to “you attract what you believe”

The only rule for manifesting your desires through your subconscious mind is: “Decide what you want, and it’s done.”

If you decide you’re in love with him, you will be in love with him.

Your decision comes first, and once you decide, you become that version of yourself. That’s it.

Even if you decide you want to be in love with him, you might immediately think, “But I haven’t heard from him, so that’s impossible.”

This kind of “automatic judgment based on past experiences and limiting beliefs” is what we call ego. You can simply ignore the ego and focus only on the thoughts aligned with what you want to experience.

I understand why people get caught up in the reality of “no contact” and feel like “we need to fix this problem right now!”, but this urgency is also ego-driven. So let’s set that aside for now.

What happened between you before, what kind of interactions you had, how often you saw each other, how long you’ve been dating…

None of that past or current situation actually matters.

What matters is the “decide” part of “decide what you want, and it’s done.”

I want you to decide what kind of relationship with him would make you happiest.

Should you focus on reopening communication?

When you’re stuck in no-contact mode, some people try setting intentions like:
“I’ll be someone who has constant text conversations instead of radio silence!”
“I’m so happy he messages me all the time!”

These intentions are focused on the current reality in front of them.

Everyone gets to decide what they want, but the reason I recommend thinking bigger is this: if you want to manifest through your subconscious mind, you can leave all the “how” details to your subconscious mind.

On this blog, we don’t focus on relationship psychology tactics. Instead, we talk about manifesting your desires through the subconscious mind. Rather than fixating on the problem of “no contact” and trying to solve each issue one by one, I think it’s faster to just decide you want everything to work out and embody that version of yourself.

Even if he doesn’t text, you might run into him on the street, right?
Even if he doesn’t contact you, as long as you’re in love, that’s what matters, right?

If you were married and completely secure in his love, would you be worried about him not texting back? Probably not, right?

All you have to do is decide who you want to be in relation to him.

When I used to obsess over communication and feel miserable

There was definitely a time when I would focus entirely on whether he was texting, clutching my phone all day. When a message came, I’d reply instantly!

But after some back-and-forth, the conversation would naturally end, and I wouldn’t know when the next message would come.

 

During those periods, I’d worry and stress, thinking “Maybe this is it,” and sometimes it really would end exactly as I feared.

Looking back, I realize I was the one with absolute certainty that “this is definitely over.” Well, of course it would end with that belief (laughs).

Back then, I used message frequency as a gauge of his interest. So I thought “no messages = he’s not interested, his feelings for me are fading,” and it was incredibly painful when messages didn’t come.

Recently, I’ve stopped worrying about this stuff, and the difference between then and now is simply: “How often he texts has nothing to do with how much he likes me. He genuinely thinks I’m special.”

When I was obsessed with his messages, even when I was out enjoying delicious food with friends or seeing beautiful scenery on trips, I was distracted, constantly wondering if I’d get a reply or if he’d read my message.

Looking back, I think this was disrespectful to the people right in front of me, because I couldn’t fully appreciate those wonderful, happy moments.

Now, even if a message comes in, I’ve learned to prioritize what’s right in front of me. I feel like I can enjoy each day so much more than before, and I feel liberated from the prison of constantly checking messages—it’s such freedom.

Just be the version of yourself where everything worked out

For anyone currently struggling with no contact, the first step is releasing beliefs like “no contact means it’s over.” That’s really all there is to it—just be the version of yourself where everything worked out perfectly.

I also hope you can enjoy the life right in front of you so fully that you don’t even notice when messages arrive.

However, if you still find yourself obsessing over messages, try turning off phone notifications for a while.

You’d be amazed how much control those little notification sounds have over us.

Something I’ve found helpful lately is a smartwatch that syncs with apps and delivers notifications.

You don’t need anything fancy like an Apple Watch—even a basic fitness tracker that connects to some phone apps works great.

While some high-end models let you reply directly from the watch, choosing a simpler model without that feature might be better. If you can reply from your wrist, you might find it hard to resist responding immediately, which could keep you just as obsessed.

 

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