Can you find happiness with an ex when things didn’t work before?

Hello, I’m Iruru.

Honestly, I used to have a really negative view of getting back together with an ex, and I thought, “After a breakup, I should move on to someone new as fast as possible. Dating the same person again will just lead to another breakup!”

Since we broke up once, won’t we just end up separating again for the same reasons if we reconcile?

Some of our readers might be feeling worried, thinking, “I want to get back together, but we broke up even though we loved each other at first, so even if we reconcile, things might go wrong again.”

I totally get it! Plus, some people actually do break up and get back together over and over.

I used to think that way too, but now I believe, “If you work on yourself and become someone who truly loves him, then get back together, your relationship will be completely different even though it’s the same person. I think it will be beautiful after reconciling.”

This connects to the idea that even if you date someone new, if your mindset stays the same, you might keep breaking up in the same patterns over and over.

I only dated people who mirrored my inner state.

As I’ve shared in my profile, I used to have extremely low self-worth, and somehow I kept ending up with men who were already in relationships.

Read Iruru’s profile here

I was always the second choice.

Or I wouldn’t be properly recognized as a “girlfriend.”

Then I’d gradually get exhausted by the relationship going nowhere, and even though I loved him, I’d think I couldn’t stay anymore, so I’d break up. And then tell myself, “Next time will be different!”

But even when I thought that, I’d end up dating someone who wouldn’t accept me as his girlfriend.

Back then, I thought, “We broke up. Let’s forget about it. On to the next one!” To avoid feeling the pain of heartbreak, I wouldn’t let myself process those feelings and would immediately look for new love.

I think finding new love is a quick way to numb the pain of a broken heart, and that’s exactly what I did, but looking back now, I probably should have spent more time reflecting on myself.

Because I was searching for the next relationship while still being the same person who struggled with love, I kept repeating similar patterns without changing my “unlucky in love” version of myself.

What matters most is not the other person but your own inner state.

Even if you start a new relationship, if your inner world is still chaotic, there’s a risk that when your ego takes control at some point, those messy emotions might not only affect your current partner but also carry negative baggage from your past relationship.

In the realm of the subconscious, manifestation works on the principle that “I believe this way, so it will happen.”

If you believe you can love and be loved by your current partner, that belief is what stays consistent, whether you’re starting fresh with someone new or considering getting back together with your ex.

You might start with loving intentions, but if you let ego-driven thoughts sneak in, like “Oh, he’s taking longer to text back; maybe he doesn’t really like me?” when his response is delayed, or “No message after our date; was it boring?

 

Will there be another date?” when there’s radio silence after a date, you start losing faith in yourself. If you let your thoughts spiral in this ego-driven way and think, “Maybe this relationship isn’t going to work out,” it can sabotage even a promising new relationship.

Just by changing your inner self, everything you see will change.

Dreams become reality in your subconscious because you believe they will.

If you want a loving relationship with him, decide right now to become the version of yourself who’s already in that loving relationship with him. And make the unwavering commitment not to doubt it.

Whether it’s reconciling with him or starting fresh with someone new, this principle stays the same.

When you’re the fulfilled and loving version of yourself, think about how you would calmly respond to something like “he hasn’t texted after our date.”

If you were coming from a place of fulfillment and love, you might think, “If he hasn’t messaged, maybe I’ll reach out to him.”

You might even find it sweet, thinking, “He must have had such an amazing time today.” When you’ve decided not to doubt that he loves you, doesn’t the same situation look completely different?

By embodying that state of fulfillment and love, not only will your post-reconciliation experience change, but it’ll look entirely different from your past relationship too.

Once you master this state, success is guaranteed. Whether it’s reconciling or starting something new, you’re absolutely going to flourish in your next relationship!