Have you ever practiced giving compliments because you thought it would make you more attractive?

Compliment their appearance. Acknowledge their personality. Find something nice to say while they’re talking. If you’ve read relationship advice online or in books and thought, “Let me try this,” you’re not alone.

But when you actually put it into practice, doesn’t something feel a little off?

You got better at keeping conversations going. But that didn’t mean anything developed romantically. You were consciously complimenting people, yet something felt hollow — like you were just performing, and it made you uncomfortable.

In this article, we take the popular relationship psychology claim — “women who are good at giving compliments are more attractive” — and look at it through the lens of the subconscious mind.

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What Happened When She Practiced Complimenting

Iruru, one half of the Homen♡Ren duo, used to work as a writer covering relationship psychology.

Back then, a senior colleague advised her to become better at giving compliments. She took it seriously and started practicing.

The idea was to compliment both the “outside” — appearance, fashion, career — and the “inside” — kindness, personality — in a balanced way. This is a well-known approach in relationship psychology.

And yes, conversations did start flowing more naturally.

But did it lead to romance? Not really.

“I was doing it because I felt like I had to try hard, and I think the other person could tell. It all felt surface-level, and I was a little uncomfortable with myself.”

If this resonates, you’re not alone.

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Is Giving Compliments Really a Technique?

Meguru, the other half of Homen♡Ren, pushes back on the idea of complimenting as a learned skill:

“I think a genuine compliment is something that comes out naturally when you truly feel impressed. That’s why it reaches people and builds real connection.”

“I think people can pretty much tell whether they’re being genuinely complimented or just being flattered.”

There’s a difference between someone saying “I love your outfit” without really thinking it, versus someone who genuinely thinks you look great and says so. The person receiving the compliment can feel that difference.

This is why practicing compliments as a relationship technique often falls flat — the words don’t carry the genuine feeling behind them.

The foundation of any relationship, Meguru says, is how you engage with the person in front of you. Complimenting each other and laughing together naturally grows from that foundation — it’s not something to manufacture.

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The Subconscious Perspective: It’s Even Simpler

Now let’s add the perspective of the subconscious mind.

The core principle of Homen♡Ren is: “What you believe becomes your reality.”

From the perspective of the subconscious mind (the deep, unconscious part of your mind that shapes your experience), romantic fulfillment happens when you decide on your “belief.”

“If you believe you and your partner are deeply in love, that’s what becomes real.”

So — whether or not you’re good at giving compliments? Completely irrelevant.

If you want to compliment someone, say what genuinely comes to mind. You don’t need to manufacture compliments to get someone to like you. Rather than carefully choosing words based on how they might be received, what matters far more is deciding what you truly want: your “belief” about how you want things to be with this person.

“Ego” (the automatic, fear-based thoughts like “if I don’t compliment them, they won’t like me” or “I need to use the right techniques”) keeps pulling you away from your genuine feelings. Coming back to your own “belief” is the most direct path — even if it seems indirect.

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What It Means to Decide on Your “Belief”

Deciding on your “belief” might sound complicated, but it’s actually very simple.

You decide, within yourself: “I am in a loving relationship with him.” That’s it.

Instead of endlessly thinking about “how do I get him to like me” or “what do I need to do to get his attention,” the first step is to hold clearly within yourself: “This is what I want. This is how I want things to be.”

The discomfort Iruru felt may have come from putting technique before belief.

Becoming good at giving compliments isn’t the goal. The “belief” comes first. And from that genuine place, the words that naturally emerge are the ones that actually reach another person’s heart.

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Summary

• Relationship psychology says “good complimenting makes you more attractive,” but using it as a technique rarely resonates deeply
• Words that come from genuine feeling are the ones that truly reach people
• From a subconscious perspective, whether you’re good at complimenting is irrelevant to romantic fulfillment
• What comes first is deciding on your “belief” — “I am in a loving relationship with him”

If you’ve been endlessly strategizing about how to be liked, here’s something worth pausing to consider:

Deciding on your “belief” is all you need. You’re already further along than you think ♡

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